“And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another advocate to help you and be with you forever—the Spirit of truth. The world cannot accept him, because it neither sees him nor knows him. But you know him, for he lives with you and will be in you.” John 14:16-17
It was downright painful. Lying in the sunshine on my back porch. I was alone. On purpose. I tried so hard to overcome the panic feeling I had when sitting by myself. I wanted to check my phone, or talk to my friend, or go to work…anything that would keep my mind busy. But a busy mind was trapping me in bondage. As long as I refused to accept my feelings, I would be unable to experience peace. I had to learn to be still. To stop seeking 24 hour validation from others, and simply seek the Lord.
That very day I felt the Lord’s presence in my pain. Somehow the warmth of the sun on my face let me know I wasn’t alone. It gave me the courage to push past my panic attack and allow myself to feel the pangs of abandonment fear.
I wasn’t abandoned as a child. My parents weren’t mean to me. I had friends growing up. And yet I feared abandonment. And really don’t we all on some level?
We don’t want to be the outcast. The one who is left alone. It doesn’t take some significant childhood trauma to activate fear of abandonment. It can happen to anyone.
We are designed to live in community. Experiencing community is good! However, we are not designed to be dependent on community for our self worth. Our self worth can only be actualized in our identity as sons and daughters of the King.
And yet we seek validation everywhere else. We become afraid of the silence because we might actually experience intimacy with God. This can be a terrifying thought unless we realize who He is and why He sent His spirit.
His spirit is designed to be our comforter. He wants to be with us! To love us. If we constantly seek comfort from others we can rob ourselves of experiencing the one true source of comfort – The Holy Spirit.
I am no longer afraid to be alone. I don’t panic. I know the Spirit will show up because He always does. And He longs to do the same for you. Will you take the first step? Take a chance on solitude with the Lord.