“Going through the motions doesn’t please you, a flawless performance is nothing to you. I learned God-worship when my pride was shattered. Heart-shattered lives ready for love don’t for a moment escape God’s notice.” Psalm 51:16-17 MSG
I’ve lived in Amarillo, TX all my life. The majority of that time was spent on one side of town. I never noticed the homeless shelter on the north side. Not until I began working there. At first I was afraid. A man dug in the trash can and I strolled by with my fancy coffee. A woman yelled her schizophrenic babble at me from across the street. I hung my head in shame and pretended not to see or hear her.
Nearly two years have passed since I began working with the homeless. With time, fear has turned to empathy. They aren’t that different than me. Maybe they lost a job, or suffer from a disability, and are no longer able to work. Maybe they struggle with mental illness. Maybe they experienced homelessness from childhood and are fearful of functioning in any other environment. The reasons a person becomes homeless are as numerous as the individuals themselves. They all have their own reasons for being there, and often I find that in reality, I am only one step away from being in their shoes.
You would think the most painful part about being homeless would be hunger, or the chill of the concrete on a cold winter night. Perhaps it would be the tiredness of their legs as they push a grocery cart containing their entire life belongings. That’s what I would think, but I was wrong. Every homeless person I have met says the most painful part of being homeless is being ignored. People walk by them and turn their face. They act as if they don’t hear them.
We think they don’t care, but they notice and it hurts.
The homeless are often heart shattered lives that we choose to ignore.
I wonder if you have ever felt that way? That your heart shattered life goes unnoticed?
It seems that no one cares about what is going on with you. Even if they did care, they couldn’t do anything about it.
I don’t know that there is any more isolating illness than depression. The very situation of being depressed can render you paralyzed. Ashamed to reach out. Afraid to tell others what it going on. Depression often exists in complete and total isolation.
Psalm 51:17 tells us that heart shattered lives – ready for love – don’t for a moment escape God’s notice.
But what if your heart is not ready for love? I’m going to take a risk here and say that a heart not ready for love, is not yet completely shattered. It is a heart hardened against the Lord and His grace. Hardened in a way that not man can soften. Only the Lord can soften a heart, but He will not do so forcefully.
Depression has a way of hardening our hearts. Because the hurt runs so deep, it is difficult to keep it open and vulnerable to be hurt more. And even though we know the Lord is not out to hurt and wound us, when we feel alone and afraid, it can seem as if He is hurting us simply by not choosing to release us from our internal turmoil.
It is difficult to let a heart shatter when you are uncertain if the pieces will ever be picked up. Not knowing if they will ever be brought back together again is terrifying. On more than one occasion I have had friends afraid to cry because once they let that first tear drop, they don’t think the tears will ever stop. If they soften their heart enough for the Lord to come in, will He do what He promises? Is there really a love that can come in and fill the voids and gaps left by days, years, or even months of brokenness?
When a heart shatters on the floor we can attempt to pick up the pieces. We can attempt to hide it from God. We can attempt to escape from His love. But we cannot escape God’s notice. The fear that God will leave our hearts shattered forever is simply not true. This kind of heart, a heart that seeks the Lord, and allows itself to be broken by Him cannot even fancy an escape from God. He will be there in our pain when we allow ourselves to shatter and choose to seek Him. This is a promise of His word. It is not conditional on our actions or our ability to perform. It simply is grace.
The masks that we wear in attempt to hide do not please Him. The most flawless performance of perfection does not impress Him.
Shattering – now that impresses Him. If you ever questioned if He loves you, all you really have to ask yourself is can you shatter? If you can shatter at His feet, then you are loved.
This is beautiful Stephanie. Thank you for sharing your heart. <3
Thanks Tawnya
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On Aug 13, 2012,
Wow Stephanie….
I feel like some of these words you wrote just for me today. my heart has been so heavy and i have fwlt so completwly overwhelmed. I have felt like my heart has shattered and God is the only person I can vent to (which is the best thing) . But i truly say i have felt like everyone around me has seen me falling apart & they ignore it because I am of course the one they all come to.
I needed your words and Bible verses more than anything today….God was speaking to me through you and your blog. So thank you so much and God bless you.
In christ, Lauren
Lauren I wrote this out of my own broken place today. I’m so glad God used it to minister to you. So blessed to walk the journey with you sister. Sometimes it requires a bit of breaking so that God can put us back together in a way more like Him. Love u girl.
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On Aug 13, 2012,
thank you so much for sharing your heart.
Thank you for your sweet comment
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On Aug 13, 2012,
After losing two brothers in three years unexpectantly, I have struggled with such heaviness at times.. no physical signs, just feelings and less energy. I have used the aromatherapy oils and spent much time with the Lord and done much singing. He is so sweet to just love on me in my brokeness. He will renew our minds as we stay focus on Him and cling to the cross.
I want to post this on my personal page if this is ok and my fb page clinging to the cross. I would love for you to read and please give me some feedback.Just trying to be obedient. In a new season and don’t know how to do what God is telling me to do, but I know He will send me those who will help me. Many aren’t ready to open up, but there is so much healing as we are open with the Lord. As we refresh others we shall be refreshed.
.. I hate I missed you at She speaks this year.. maybe next year.
Luke 4:18. is my life verse.. my passion. only jesus can heal broken hearts… as we sit in His presence all heaviness and fear and anxiety and stress have to flee.. praying for you and thankful for you for pressing on.. Your breakthrough is here.. and as you continue to walk out your healing… you won’t be disappointed. The goal is to know Jesus more today than yesterday. the miracle is in the now.. and He is so pleased with you.
So appreciate you and love getting your posts.
Blessings rain down…on you on earth as it is in heaven….
http://www.youarecalled.wordpress.com is what the Lord told me to start after baby brother passed .. didn’t know about blogging at all and I sure wasn’t doing Facebook. But when God speaks I want to obey. .. so as I allowed myself to change old mindsets I saw God moving.. that’s another message for another day..
I felt led to start a 90 day challenge and the above page Clinging to the cross is the actual cross that was given to my brother. From the day of his diagnosis to his death was 90 days. I have started a challenge for 90 days of clinging a little tighter to Jesus. Would love for you to join. I will pray for you that your oppression will lift. Just Keep believing and receive and know and believe it is for you..everything was done on that cross 2000 years ago. PS 103 is one of my favorite verses and Isaiah says” He will carry us through the fire and the flood and it will not harm us.”. so believing with you girlfriend.
your clinging friend,
Melanie
Stephanie, I tell you the more I read your blog the more I feel like God has appointed our “meeting” so that you can speak truth and I can hear it intimately….even from hundreds of miles away. My heart has been hurting and has gone through the phase of being “angry” because it just didn’t seem as though God cared. Now I know that it isn’t true and I have held to that truth, but He still seems so quiet. I am being reminded to be still. And, as you said, be willing to shatter and not believe the lie that God will not pick up the pieces and hold them in the palm of His hand with tenderness and love and belonging. I am still in a phase of fear, but little by little I’m letting go. Today however, was one of the harder ones, because I just don’t even understand myself. Stephanie, if only you could even know in the slightest how this verse and your ordained words have spoken gently to me that God knows me even if I don’t know myself. Being vulnerable is hard……..
Stephanie… as usual, God has spoken through you straight to my heart. God uses you so much in my life. Your recent posts especially, are hitting me right where I am. Beautifully written… thank you!
Stephanie, I’m throwing my heart shattered self at my God’s feet and giving Him all of me. Just wanted you to know you are amazing and help me in so many ways. Thank you!!!!
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