Your love, Lord, reaches to the heavens, your faithfulness to the skies. Psalm 36:5
When I was sick, I wanted to get well. Not just eventually well, but well right now. The sickness was not a cancer, though it might as well have been. It ate away at my life like a gnawing bitter plague.
I couldn’t stand it. Although no plan entered my mind, I begged God to just take my breath. It was too painful to breathe. I needed rescue.
Why God? Why do you let me lay in the floor and weep bitterly? For life lost, and would it ever be found again? Couldn’t He just take the pain away so that I might grasp love?
And I felt bended – twisted and wrought like iron being shaped in the flame. Writhing with pain and singed from the burns.
My heart was broken.
Could Christ ever mend it again? Even if He chose to, was there enough of His faithfulness to stretch the sky my way? I just couldn’t grasp a rescue this deep and wide. A love that might save from these barren depths.
And yet loves saved. Even the very least of these. The parts of our hearts only mended in the middle of Him.
An overnight remedy was never found. Other than a year filled with my face pressed hard and fast against the wrinkled pages of my Bible.
But day by day, small steps of obedience lended themselves to growth. Wrapping me up like a warm blanket, obedience led me to find warmth in His love. To trust in His faithfulness.
Choosing life over death, praise over groans. Praises kept me safe until obedient steps brought me far enough to see the way home.
And I’m not home yet. Some days still ache with the fury of past pain, and I sense the need fresh for rescue. But I never need look past the faithful sky that is vast and wide enough to envelop me in His love. Deep, wide, soul-shaking love.
Small steps to seek Him…where will obedience…faithfulness…take us today…
Thank you, Stephanie! Your words are His words and life!
Thank you for your kind encouragement! Hugs to you!!!
Awesome Stephanie!!! Your amazing!!!
Your words resonate hope!
Awww, thanks, that’s exactly what I pray they will do!
Wow. This sure seems like me during my separation from my husband. It was a terrible time period, and it made me a different wife, but it still hurt so much. Such great writing and heart. Love it.
Ya, seems like those super tough times that grow us into who we are. And thankful even though they hurt!!!!
I know you know this, Steph, but God handles our pain, our past, and our emotions with the same strength and power that parted the Red Sea, raised the dead, and gave sight to the blind. Keep going, girl! Your words are being used, and it’s worth it to fight to be at a place of peace and rest in the Lord so they can flow freely!
I love what you wrote here: “Some days still ache with the fury of past pain, and I sense the need fresh for rescue. But I never need look past the faithful sky that is vast and wide enough to envelop me in His love.”
You’re right, girl! He’s always right there waiting to wrap you in that big, freedom-giving bear hug only the Lord can dish out!
Oh Stephanie ! That’s wonderful!!!!! Thank you for your encouraging words.
I’ve been in my own struggle for years, the stress of no or very little funds has taken its toll and am just starting to sense that word obedience
Keep focused on Jesus — keep walking
Seeking , trusting, praising and deliverence is here…..
Stephenie, I don’t know if you are to young to be familiar with Corrie Ten Boom or not? But Corrie told a story of going to the train station with her father one time. She ask him where her ticket was and he told her it was in his pocket. She ask if she could have it and he told her he would give it to her when it was time. Corrie told this story when she talk about God giving her the grace to survive a concentration camp in Germany. I heard her speak a couple of times and she had the sweetest spirit. Yet her sweet spirit was forged in the flames of adversity, an adversity few of us know. When I feel the most desperate, she is the person I think about.
Stephanie, sorry for the typo, I’m good at that.