Your love, Lord, reaches to the heavens, your faithfulness to the skies. Psalm 36:5
When I was sick, I wanted to get well. Not just eventually well, but well right now. The sickness was not a cancer, though it might as well have been. It ate away at my life like a gnawing bitter plague.
I couldn’t stand it. Although no plan entered my mind, I begged God to just take my breath. It was too painful to breathe. I needed rescue.
Why God? Why do you let me lay in the floor and weep bitterly? For life lost, and would it ever be found again? Couldn’t He just take the pain away so that I might grasp love?
And I felt bended – twisted and wrought like iron being shaped in the flame. Writhing with pain and singed from the burns.
My heart was broken.
Could Christ ever mend it again? Even if He chose to, was there enough of His faithfulness to stretch the sky my way? I just couldn’t grasp a rescue this deep and wide. A love that might save from these barren depths.
And yet loves saved. Even the very least of these. The parts of our hearts only mended in the middle of Him.
An overnight remedy was never found. Other than a year filled with my face pressed hard and fast against the wrinkled pages of my Bible.
But day by day, small steps of obedience lended themselves to growth. Wrapping me up like a warm blanket, obedience led me to find warmth in His love. To trust in His faithfulness.
Choosing life over death, praise over groans. Praises kept me safe until obedient steps brought me far enough to see the way home.
And I’m not home yet. Some days still ache with the fury of past pain, and I sense the need fresh for rescue. But I never need look past the faithful sky that is vast and wide enough to envelop me in His love. Deep, wide, soul-shaking love.
Small steps to seek Him…where will obedience…faithfulness…take us today…