Old hurts and wounds. We think they are scabbed up and healed, yet every now and then someone takes a jab at them – maybe even unintentionally – and they lay open fresh.
If God heals a broken place, it should never ever hurt again, right? Like a once healed always healed type of thing. I used to think so. And I do believe God can do this. But for me and so many others, it hasn’t worked that way. And it’s in these moments of resurgent pain I see satan sneak in and try to grab a foothold.
He often uses the lure of the numb. Just do something to make it go away…
Medicate it just a bit more, go shopping one more time, finish off that last bit of dessert, have sex with one more guy just one more time…then you will feel better. It sounds harmless until it becomes an addiction.
Or maybe the lure of the emotional numb…
Just bury it deeper. Tuck it away so low no one will ever know what happened. Pile and pile your accomplishments on top, then the hurt will subside. But it never does. And along with refusing to feel the negative we eventually lose our ability to feel anything at all. Our accomplishments make us look perfect on the outside, people envy us, but on the inside we are dying – void – lost – and alone.
And if we get past the lure of the numb…he whips out the shame…
You should be over this by now. Why are you still so dang insecure? You will never amount to anything. Why do you even try?
Or maybe he drags us to the ground in despair…
You will never ever feel any better. This thing is always going to have hold of you in some form, in some way. It’s pointless to even try, to look for joy, to trust anyone, or let yourself hope. Just give up.
But here’s the thing…just because something hurts doesn’t mean God hasn’t and won’t continue to heal it. When nerves are exposed and a wound lays open fresh, we have a choice. Let satan ooze over us with lies telling us freedom can only be accomplished in absence of pain. Or let God refresh us, draw us in closer, and provide another layer of healing and peace.
2 Corinthians 5:17 tells us, “This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!”
We are a new creation. Our old life is gone, but this does not mean we are void of life experience, it just changes how these life experiences can be used. Rather than tools to drag us down, Jesus uses these things to lift us up and take others with us in the process.
The way I see it, He cares enough about pain to let it mean something. It was not and will not be wasted. Suffering will not be in vain. It’s worth something and He is going to use it. But for Him to use it, at times we have to choose to feel it and work though yet another layer of what it means. Feeling past pain, even for the millionth time over, is not a sign that God can’t heal you – it can be a sign that in fact – He is.
Your past wounds are not your weakness. You don’t have to numb them – or let them shame you – or squash you down with despair and anxiety. It’s okay when they hurt. God won’t let them overwhelm you. If the burden seems too much to bear, share it with a brother or sister, a counselor or friend. Rarely is there growth in a vacuum. But there is life in Him. You are a new creation. Don’t try and stomp out the process. Embrace it. It’s who you are. And who you are becoming. This thing…it will not break you.