I have no scars on my arms, because I was a cutter of different sorts. The scars are on my heart and mind from year after year of stripping and slicing away everything God says I am, and embedding into my flesh everything that I am not. It’s a dangerous habit and every bit as harmful as the physical slicing of skin.
I think it was the grace of timing that saved me. During this period of my life, I never heard of cutting. It wasn’t an option I knew about for numbing the pain. Because there were times I would have done just about anything to numb the pain – it just happens I turned to alcohol, performance, and relationships because those things were accessible.
I say all this because I work in a field where I see cutting on a weekly basis. But guess what I see on a daily basis? Internal slicing and dicing that is more easily hidden, but certainly no less painful. And if there is one thing God has showed me about this habit, it’s that it pains Him deeply.
Isaiah 43:1 says this, “Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by your name; You are Mine.”
Why does this verse matter? Because I want you to think about something. When God looks at you and calls you by name, He calls you mine. Not loser, dirty, broken, ugly, coward, unloveable, shame filled, or hated. He calls you mine.
And God doesn’t just call anyone mine. He calls you His because He chose you on the cross, and He would choose you a thousand times over again. He calls you His because everything un-perfect about you is perfected in Him. You are certainly not unwanted or alone. He looks right at you and says, that one – she chose me and I chose her – she is mine.
We can cut, slice, and dice ourselves verbally all we want, but God refuses to do it. And if we want to feel towards ourselves the love He feels towards us, we are going to have to stop. I’m not saying it’s easy. I’m just telling you it’s possible.
One of my favorite verses is Mark 9:24 where a man exclaims, “I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief.” Because here’s the thing…if we believe in Jesus, He can help us overcome the lies we believe about ourselves.
When we start verbally bashing and beating ourselves, and it feels impossible to stop, that’s when we call on the power of God. That’s when we yell out, “God you have called me chosen, worthy, beautiful, and redeemed, but parts of me object – help me overcome my unbelief!”
There were times in my life I literally had to exclaim this out load. Because I needed help y’all!
I didn’t overcome this cutting behavior on my own. I didn’t overcome it strictly by going to therapy – although it helped a lot. I overcame exactly how God says we overcome – by the blood of the Lamb and the Word of our testimony. He gave me the power to overcome. And I am so thankful I couldn’t do it without Him, because I learned to depend on Him for my identity – and nothing else.
If you are a cutter of any sort, today is the day that can begin to change. Not that it’s an instant fix, it takes time. But today is the day you can say for the first time, “I do believe Lord, help me overcome my unbeleif.” And keep praying and asking, as long as it takes. Keep fighting. In this battle, you will win. But it’s time to pick up His truth and put down the blade.