because what should have happened did…but sometimes that feels really painful…


There is so much in life we have very little control over. We can blame, and shame, and throw could’s, should’s and would’s at a situation – but it doesn’t change what happened. What should have happened did. And that’s it.

Maybe it doesn’t feel like what should have happened did. Maybe it felt horribly awful. Maybe there is no conceivable way of making sense or meaning out of actions that are just senseless…but we try to. Because if we can, well that would mean we had some element of control. And let’s face it, we all hate feeling out of control.

I hate it so much I can hardly stomach it…literally. When I feel out of control, I don’t just walk, I run to the bathroom over and over again because my insides just want to get all the painful crap out – in whatever means possible!

And it pains me to think about it…that there is nothing I could have done. That I had limited control. ┬áBut I did the best I could with what I had at the time.

And isn’t that just who we are? Humans muddling through life doing the very best we can. Hoping and praying He gives us the knowledge we need to love well and that God’s complete sovreighnty will reign over the rest.

Because we don’t always know what we are doing. Sometimes we make bad decisions without even realizing what we did. Blinded by past hurt and pain we react out of broken places. Sometimes it turns out well. Other times it doesn’t.

In the end, we just have to keep going, knowing humanity isn’t all there is. That there is a God that loves us beyond our ability to even recognize what true love is. That He loves us in a way that never wants to be separated. So much He sent His son to die WHILE WE WERE YET SINNERS.

He didn’t die for perfect us, or healed us…

He died for sinner us.

On your worst day He died for you.

On your best day He died for you.

On every day He died for you because that is who He is.

He would die a thousand deaths over and over again if it meant getting to bring you into His eternal presence. Because He loves you. That is all.

No should, could, or would because that stuff doesn’t matter to Him. He sees you not as you are, but as He would have us be. Who He made us to be. And we can choose to see ourselves that way too, because if that is how Christ sees us, well that’s good enough for me.


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