Can You depress me more…

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But the wisdom from above is first of all pure. It is also peace loving, gentle at all times, and willing to yield to others. It is full of mercy and good deeds. It shows no favoritism and is always sincere. James 3:17

I am depressed and I want to stay that way. I don’t hear that often, from myself, or from others. But I am in a state of depression, or trying to get to a state of depression, that is desirable. A pressed down firm holding place of myself so that Christ can impress His name upon my heart. A depressed state of living within myself, a complete letting go limp, so that Christ can impress this broken body with His strength. I never thought depressed could be such a thing of longing for.

I am not speaking of depression as the mental health world would define it. God has delivered me from that depression. He has overcome. I am not speaking of self-abasement or a self hatred that would aspire a false humility based in pride. I am speaking of a literal and wanting depression of oneself so that Christ may manifest Himself in our hearts in a more pure and concentrated manner. A wanting of nothing more than more of Him and less of me. A desire for wisdom to reighn in the heart so that acts of true humility may abound from the hands of Christ. That is my deepest desire, born not of myself, but of Him in me.

Valleys of life left me in low places. Jealousy brought service out of desire for unconditional positive human regard. But death inside my heart blooming into life is something brought purely of the resurrection. The wisdom I seek is wisdom pure of heart and mind. Wisdom only present when completely renewed by the righteousness of The Lord, undeserved, but thickly lavished.

Thank you Lord that you offer us a wisdom that is pure. Untainted by our hearts and minds. Thank you for depressing the parts of us that are unwilling and replacing them with humility. We find ourselves swimming in oceans of love faultlessly bathed in your righteousness. Thank you for the rivers of peace that flow. Thank you for humility that crushes pride. Thank you for wisdom that serves and mends. Praise you for death that brings life. Help us know you more as we actively seek an impression of your grace.

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