I know the feeling too well. Social struggles. She had a hard time walking into the party. I know enough to push her through the anxiety. But it’s difficult to watch. Girls she knows and loves. Girls that love her. But it doesn’t stop the internal garbage.
What if they don’t like me? Do they think I’m weird? Do my clothes look funny?
She would do anything to fit in and I would do anything to rip that garbage right out of her brain and put it where it belongs.
But I can’t.
Jesus, haven’t we fought this battle? Isn’t my freedom enough for her? Can’t the arms that set me free reach down and pull the chains from her as well? Can’t I fight this battle for her?
I’ve hashed through my feelings this weekend.
What did I do wrong? How can I help her grasp freedom?
It frustrates me that I may be doing all I can do. Taking her to church. Teaching her God’s Word and the power of scripture. I’m tempted to put her in every activity I can get my hands on. Maybe they will boost her confidence – give her a sense of belonging – and yet I know any sense of belonging or worth outside of Jesus will fail her, eventually.
And I wonder if Jesus doesn’t feel the same when He looks at me.
Haven’t I fought this battle for her? Victory over sin – It is finished. It is enough! Why can’t she choose to trust me? I tell her not to worry, but she does anyway…
And He could rip the garbage out of my mind in a second but He chooses not to. Instead He lets me learn and choose the Truth so it might be my own. Truth given specifically to me by a Savior who cares enough to let the working out of my salvation be a personal experience – a growth process – a relationship.
And so it will be with Lauren. Her battles must be fought within. I can be here, support, and guide, but ultimately she will choose that freedom for herself. And when she does it will be deeply personal for her. And although everything in me wishes I could just rush in and wrap it up in a bow for her, I know Jesus has a better way in mind. A way that will grow her relationship with Him.
And so I wait. And I pray. And I understand a tiny bit more about the way Jesus loves us than I did yesterday…