depression…I refuse to be afraid of you anymore…you will take no more from me…

eddad1877461ad126eaabb9335c11752The thing about mental health is no one talks about it. I’m not sure how shame etched itself so deep into the throws of internal turmoil, but it did. People are depressed. Anxious. Hurting. Yet it’s rarely until the circle of pain grows from a small bubble inside of us to a gigantic man eating bubble we cannot pop or escape until we get help. Why is that?

If it wasn’t for my own battle I don’t think I would understand. But I have been depressed. I have experienced trauma. I know PTSD personally. They aren’t my favorite friends. And although they went on what seemed a vacation, looking back, I can see how they quietly wreaked havoc while I wasn’t looking. Now that they are peaking their ugly heads out of the bushes, I can see them again.

So what will the difference be this time? What will keep them from eating me alive once more and robbing years of my life? What’s the difference?

It’s fairly simple. I’m not afraid anymore. I know what the enemy looks like. I know the tools he uses. I know how he starves my body of seratonin and mercy. I’ve seen how he operates. And this time I will act early.

This morning I stood ashamed at the the thought or returning to an anti anxiety medication. I stood afraid of what this chemical imbalance could mean. Not only for me, but now for my daughter who also appears to be fighting her own battles.

This afternoon. I’m victorious. Might I struggle with episodes of anxiety and depression throughout my life? Yes. Might my daughter also? Yes.

Is that ok? Yes.

But I don’t have to bow down to it. I’m more than a conqueror in Christ. He beat depression, anxiety, and every other dang mental illness on the cross. He’s our living hope. Our living healer. Shame has no power here. I’m moving forward. And if you share my struggles – in the power of Christ you can too. Satan doesn’t get to win. Not this time. God is on our side. We will not fail. We are more than conquerors in Christ. It’s time to get up and leave this cold dark place for the warmth and power of redemption and healing.





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