Facing my fear of the humble smack-down…

But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says: “God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble.” James 4:6

Humility needs space. I don’t like being vulnerable when surrounded by others. It’s a bit scary – okay VERY scary. I know God won’t hurt me, but I’m not always certain about people. Sometimes, I’m afraid to pray for humility because I don’t want to be seen as a let down. If humility requires a fall, I want to do the falling alone where no one sees my face turn red.

James 4 tells me that God will lift up the humble. That humility is not something to fear, but rather something I should strive for. Yet being humble carries an extra nugget of fear for me. I associate it with weakness, and weakness with hurt. Despite my own strides towards healing I still want to avoid hurt at all costs. And so has gone my prayer life over the last few years – pray for humility pops into my head – I open my eyes and run away.

But just like anything else we run away from, eventually it catches up…

In the quiet spaces He beckons me to trust. I remind Him that I am afraid. I just can’t ask for humility and mean it.

He says, “grace”.

He whispers to my heart, “I have more grace…and more grace…and yes…more grace. And when you can’t ask for humility with a genuine heart….my grace covers the gap. Ask for humility and I will give it to you gently. You don’t have to get bruised and beaten to become broken over pride. I can break your pride without scaring your spirit.”

So things changed for me today. I asked for humility. I am still afraid to get it.

What will the process look like?

I still see it looking like a smack down that I’m completely unprepared for…but I trust His grace. And if pride comes before a fall…humility seems like the way to go.

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