Frantically she jabbed anything she could find down the space between her car window and the door. Locking keys in the car is irritating and mortifying all at the same time. And yes, I would choose the parking space right next to her.
I hear God whisper, “Go in and get money for her. She can’t afford a locksmith.”
“No God,” I reply. “I’m in a hurry! Ryan leaves for camp tomorrow, plus I have to pay for Bella to get spayed….where is this money going to come from? Can’t somebody else help her? If she’s still out here when I get done shopping, I will help her.”
Well, I finished shopping, and guess what, she was still there.
The kind young man who loaded my groceries noticed her plight and offered to find her a better tool than the coat hanger she continued to frantically finagle.
“See God, she doesn’t need my money.”
But $40 cash sits in my purse like a lump.
Again I hear God whisper, “Give her the cash. She can’t afford a locksmith.”
But I harden my heart and tell God no. It’s the end of the pay period, school supplies will be needed soon, and bills are due. No God, I can’t.
So I smile at the woman, tell her I hope the kind grocery sacker finds the tool she needs, wish her well, and drive off in my car. The whole way home, trying to shut off the guilt trickle now flowing like a river in my heart and mind.
I could have helped her. I could have said yes. But I said no. I held to my financial security tighter than I held to God. I trusted my bank account more than I trusted God. And it was $40, easily spared had my hands been open. But I gripped that $40 tight. I had earned it and I wasn’t about to let it go.
Fast forward a few days. I read the first chapter of “What Happens When Women Say Yes to God” by Lysa Terkeurst – the subject of the Proverbs 31 online bible study that begins today.
Then I read the bible study assignments for this week. The phrase for the week is #palmsup. The material challenges me. Could we choose to hold everything with palms up, loosely, so we may say yes to God.
Conviction falls like a ton of bricks. I thought I had this obedience thing down. After all, stepping out in faith and writing a book is huge for me. But what good is obedience in the “big” things if we choose disobedience in the “small”.
God wanted to bless the woman locked out of her car. He chose to use me, but I refused. I robbed her of a blessing, and even more so, I robbed myself.
I wonder if I am alone in my struggles. And I know I am not. Why? Because over 21,000 women are signed up for the Proverbs 31 Yes to God study. 21,000 women want to say yes to God, but probably struggle just like I do! And what freedom there is in knowing I am not alone and that I can learn to do better. The study starts today. You can still sign up here. I would love to have you join me. And let me pray for us before you leave…
Thank you Lord for forgiveness and grace. Thank you that your will is accomplished regardless of our obedience. But God, please help us to choose obedience. We want to live with palms open. In Jesus Name, Amen.