Because sometimes I don’t feel like I can be. That no matter how hard I try, I will not measure up.
And it scares me. How am I supposed to do God’s will when I can’t remember to buy toilet paper at the grocery store? How can He use such a hot mess? It seems dang near impossible.
And it’s in times like these that I prop up my sails and set out on a journey. Maybe the original revelation I experienced wasn’t true. Maybe when God was passing out vision for the future He accidentally sent me someone else’s. Someone much stronger and smarter. Someone more gifted. A talented poised woman who lives down the street. There must have been a mix up.
And I search and search for a more appropriate vision, but all that sits on the horizon are empty waters. And I get frustrated.
God show me where and how I need to be?
I see nothing.
All the while, the original vision God placed with purpose sits on the deck of my life, veiled in blanket after blanket of insecurity. It is readily available, but out of fear I leave it untouched. Afraid of what looking at it might mean.
Have you ever felt this way? Like you seek vision after vision from God – direction – a big flashing light – yet you see nothing? I wonder what would happen if instead of seeking to discover, we sought to uncover the greatness of what is already present? Would we find that what we are looking for sits right under out noses?
Because that vision He gave you may look frightening, and masking it with insecurity may seem less threatening. But until we look at what God truly has for us, even the parts we might be afraid of, we will continue to feel unfulfilled and empty. He set each of us out for a purpose and it’s not a cruel joke. He has already given us everything we need to survive and thrive.
His purpose remains. It hasn’t changed just because of our feelings. The way we feel about our purpose has nothing to do with what He offers us. We decide if we will accept it with grace and empowered strength, or run away in fear. Either way, His purpose remains unchanged.
What if I stopped trying to be, and just allowed Him to be in me?